Tuesday, May 23, 2017

Of Choices and Life (again!)

I have been having trouble to sleep these couple of days therefore you get the fruit of my sleeplessness- an old memory, a timeless ramble! 

​I have realized that at the last breath, when you have given everything you could give for someone or a cause, and the doors get slammed in your face and you feel utterly destroyed, your heart feels shredded and perhaps your dignity lost or at least in your mind your image fails to meet the standard you have set for yourself or they have set for you, when your blood wants to stop running and you just want the world the pause... It is when you feel you have no more choices but to resign... I have realized that it is then that you have all the choices... It is then that the eternal choice "today choose between life or death" is offered to you on a silver tray and your decision at that moment will set your life either to destruction or to rise from its pit and sore on wings of eagles... 
It is then that you are before the ultimate choice to either choose Him or choose yourself and that choice will matter a matter of life and death!

Hiding our scars is a truly natural thing perhaps. I imagine no one wants to be walking around with stains on their blouses or with with huge birthmarks on their foreheads!
But there they are, and there we are and we have to live with then until we grow accustomed to it, till it reaches the point where they slumbers back in the dark chamber of our mind. We consecrate time to conceal our own imperfection, our hurts, our flaws, sometimes even ourselves... And we walk confidently, with a conviction that these scars are gone, with a conviction that even if it still murmurs at the hour of our sleep, even if it stings occasionally, they are invisible. But they are not, and for a reason.
We fear... We fear we sucked up all God's mercies, and received all His miracles and healing. We fear that if we let show, if we let it be, it will disgust others.
We fear judgement and more ironically we fear His judgement. We are afraid to look like a failure or worse, to be one! And when someone or something sees and discovers us beyond our make-up, beyond our fancy clothing we tremble. And when we are naked before God at these dark hours of the night, we shake... How is it possible... Impossible... In the glorification of the all-mighty-Me, we attribute to self all the achievements of our live, we worship our goals, we daydream our plans one more time, we crown our intelligence... And when we face this piercing eye that saw beyond all these the true us, we shrink and sink... But funny enough, we rise up again rapidly, not to see the truth but to proceed, yet another time, to paint our wounds again and to wear a new mask, to rise up again to a reality, if it deserves to be called that way, where we are in control.
But today there is a call, there is is really this choice, there is a Christ, standing before our eyes, on the edge of our souls, calling us to give him our brush, to shake that fear and return to Him. To get naked, bare, vulnerable... and He whispers, "You have seen nothing my friend and tasted only the appetizers of my table"... "Do you believe I grow tired? Do you believe I grow blind? Do you think I ever forget my own? Was it not me who called all the weary to give me their burden? Was it not me that took your pain once and twice and trice? Was it not me who washed you clean? Was it not me who took up your sins in my body to that shameful cross? Am I not able to carry a scar, a weakness, a deep pain a million time again? I have seen it bleeding and healed it to seal but I can still see its mark and I want it upon my very own heart!, I want it mine and I want you free." And this whisper changes to a firmness one cannot ignore... 
"I AM, I am the lamb who was slain, I am the Saviour of the World. I am the truth way and life... And I implore you, If you believe my words and hold on to my promises, to dare once again uncover yourself before my throne, the throne of my Grace!"​
Our choice then is what will make all the difference! Because that God who spoke is waiting for our "here I am, I let you in, once again" 
And if that scar remains, it lost its power and is only there to remind us of the greatness of the Most Humble Lord- Where, O death, is thy sting? where, O death, thy victory?!

Wednesday, May 3, 2017

Of Loosing Books and other Surpassing Gains!

"Give, and it will be given to you. Good measure, pressed down, shaken together, running over, will be put into your lap. For with the measure you use it will be measured back to you.”
Luke 6:38

It is with deep regret and profound sadness that I inform you of my loss of 

A Tale of Two Cities
My Antonia
The little Flowers of Saint Francis

But they will live forever in  my heart!

 I have let other people borrow them with the vow that they will return them when they are done- either they are not done reading them or they have broken their vows and I choose to believe the first option! I would have asked them, of course but obviously I have no clue who they were- blame the memory or the weather that day! 

It is with deep joy and profound grateful that I inform you of my gain of 

I could not possibly write all what  the Lord bestows on his beloved.

But let  pay my vows to the Lord in the presence of all his people.

Let me recount all his benefits to me with David, and proclaim his glories with Elijah
Let me tell of his mercies with Mary Magdalene and shout his salvation with Paul
Let me declare his power with Moses and announce his wonderful deeds with Gabriel
Let me sing his praises with Mary 
Let me live and die for Him. 
Let me pay my vows to the Lord in the presence of all his people.

For He has been good to me.

My heart leaps up when I behold (sorry Willie, not a rainbow in the sky), how for every loss of a precious book I have gain a wonderful friendship. 
My heart leaps up when I behold (sorry Willie, not a rainbow in the sky), how for every tear I shed I have been surprised with a million deeper joy. 

Let me  pay my vows to the Lord in the presence of all his people.

Thursday, March 30, 2017

A Late Bloomer

I have discovered that there are seasons for everything in life- O the revelation! 
Qoheleth discovered this some five thousands something years ago! 

For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven!
Ecclesiastes 3:1

But to each their time and season- ya know! 

I think this is my first video here! I really love when artist give a little introduction to their song!
♥ This is a song my aunt used to play for us over and over again when we were younger ♥

It is the wonderful time of the year, again, between March and May where everything is in glorious bloom and sweet smell!
The time for swing and swinging ♪♫♪
It is the time when bulb flowers we plant in January to open up. This year it was the honour was for Hyacinths in my tiny little city garden!

I have been waiting for what I will learn from them this year- for without fault, every year I have been learning something from this simple planting habit! Life is pretty generous when we live it to the fullest! It is true that He came to give us the fullness of life!
A very generous friend of mine helped me this year in choosing the right architectural shape we want these hyacinths to grow! We were almost perfect, except that we left one bulb aside!
I thought we will plant it in a small pot and then she will take it when it opens up! To our infinite sadness it did not grow properly! For a whole month I saw her die slowly while the other were in wonderful health, growing and becoming so pretty! My heart ached for her so I decided to do a little transfer and put it in the ground near a bigger Gardenia plant! It seemed to like it but it still did not really grow, but at least it stopped becoming brown!
Last Saturday, I was praying in the morning and I suddenly remembered her- I prayed for her and after prayer I went to check on it! And lo and behold! It stated to do little small pink flowers! I was overjoyed!
This event could not get out of my head and a few little thoughts kept coming to my mind:
We are not trees and if our soil is infested- move under the shadow of His wings! He will stop the death of our souls, will take away what browns our days! Will renew our strength!
If we think our lives are slow and idle- they are not! We press on toward the goal every day to reach our heavenly destination!
That there is always hope- everything is beautiful in its time! Now when they all died, this little left behind one is a true gift!
Comparison is the thief of joy indeed! I was so sad for this little bulb only because I saw the other ones opening so marvelously filling the air with their scents! 
No one is left behind- no matter how many times we think God might have forgotten us- He did not and will not! 

Ad Summum! I really wanted to end with a poem today and I thought this one was truly fitting and beautiful!

Holy Sonnet X

By John Donne

Death be not proud, though some have called thee
Mighty and dreadful, for thou art not so,
For those, whom thou think'st thou dost overthrow,
Die not, poore death, nor yet canst thou kill me.
From rest and sleepe, which but thy pictures bee,
Much pleasure, then from thee much more must flow,
And soonest our best men with thee doe goe,
Rest of their bones, and souls deliverie.
Thou art slave to Fate, Chance, kings, and desperate men,
And dost with poyson, warre, and sicknesse dwell,
And poppie, or charmes can make us sleepe as well,
And better than thy stroake; why swell'st thou then;
One short sleepe past, wee wake eternally,
And death shall be no more; Death, thou shalt die.

Tuesday, October 11, 2016

Paper Punchers

Summer, O sweet summer! A shower of blessing and goodness fell upon me because of you ! You were full with beautiful weddings of beautiful wonderful people! All of them so very simple, so very convivial, so very peaceful, so very full of joys, full of grace!

Before one wedding in particular, I was thinking of how my marriage will have- must have- confetti!! And for some reason I was convicted in my heart to make a proposal- not the kind of "down on one knee" ones- but with the conviction to offer my brilliant idea "for my own wedding" to this absolutely amazing wife-to-be (wife now!! woohoo!). So I let her know a month ahead that I will be punching heart and flower shaped confetti out of nicely coloured papers and throw them at her entrance- or exit, or whenever- it's always a good time for confetti!. She accepted so very gladly and I started! Punching and punching and punching and emptying then punching again and so on! Finally I filled a huge garbage bag of these and I was so proud of myself! You know, I hope, that when the word proud comes there is always a fall after it! And it was a hard one! One of our bosses at the office decided to do a massive clean-up of the centre and rented a minivan to transport all useless stuff that has been laying around here and there! Including my precious punched craft paper! The Friday just before the wedding! I was utterly crushed! But as after all falls, I hope we raise, an sweet lady offered her help and bought fresh beautiful flower petals and decorated cones to hold them and saved the day! The bride was conffettied! I was glad!

“No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear. I am not afraid, but the sensation is like being afraid.”
― C.S. LewisA Grief Observed

Since then, this lovely set of paper punchers has been sitting on my desk begging for my attention! I thought many times to take it back home but there was something always keeping me from doing it- my forgetfulness is to blame a wee bit too!

I was contemplating this box the other day when all of a sudden it spoke its purpose.
I was thinking, looking at this box, about how amazing love is, how powerful it is an how it can pierce our hearts! I have been pondering this because I have been getting to know r a couple of wonderful beings that my heart took is so fondly! The love I have for them seems to hurt a bit! Lewis spoke about grief feeling like fear, I think love feels a lot like pain when it comes to the depth of the heart and the feeling! This is when paper punchers explained everything! I thought that each person is like a sweet lovely paper puncher with a particular beautiful shape and if we take them in our hearts they will punch it and make this beautiful shape in our hearts that hurts a bit but then becomes an art work! 
I am a very lucky human being! Many have punched my heart and left their amazing shapes in me- some went, some will go- though I wish it not- but all have marked me eternally! I pray I will never be afraid to let anyone in and keep getting punched to have this wonderful masterpiece heart at the end!

Monday, July 11, 2016

Clavicle: An Apology

Love is too young to know what conscience is; 
Yet who knows not, conscience is born of love? 

Edward Weston - Tina Reciting 1924 ©

I have a very showing clavicle. I did not like it at all. In fact it is the only bone I hated, I am in love with all other bones, I even know the names of the feet ones by heart!! I used to think maybe I was meant to be a Queen in a dry land where I would store the rain in the space between my bone and shoulder and then I would channel water to the thirsty population... I just really wanted to be a queen...
I have a friend in my life that has a very moving sense of beauty. Very real and true. She kept telling me that these bones are a beautiful mark of femininity.... I took her words to be honest but I did not feel they were applied to mine... Mine was more like a bow and my words were the arrows! Time passed and I forgot about the bow that was in my body until the day I truly do not know how it happened but I started to believe my friend! Her love, genuine love, made me conscious of the beauty God created.  

Today I want to apologize to my clavicle. 

Dear Clavicle,
I am sorry. I am truly sorry for the times I doubted your beauty. My heart breaks at the thought that there was a time when I thought you were ugly. I want you to know that it was not personal. I want you to know that this world and all his views are not final. There will be other times where you will be misjudged and hated but know in your morrow that is not your fault. Live boldly as you do now and do not mind the belittling of the brain who wants you to follow other criterias you were not meant to stick to. 
My clavicle, do not be intimidated by those who show off a lot more ability and utility, you just do what you are meant to do and there you will shine. Do not worry if you have no ambitions, but work hard and you will get much further... If you rise above these temptations you will walk proudly among the saints, do not let the burden of the living weigh on you! Offer it up to the one who bears all things for you. 
My bow, be sharp, be ready, be straight to the point but be so in compassion and gentleness. You will be hurt, you will feel the cold wind and the hot sun but remember that neither will harm you for you are sheltered under His wings...
Finally, be not separated from the Body. There is always a desire in each bone to want to sing to her own tune but if you do so, you will die and the rest will fall... You are where you are meant to be so be there fully, be there abundantly!
Much love, 

A - not-so- little- Yellow Cat Service

I visited last week a very beautiful Franciscan Monastery a little bit up in the mountains and wished in the deepest of heart that I was a monk there but then I realized that I was not wishing it for the right reasons so I stopped my wishful thinking before it went to far! 
The monks there had a lot of chicken, a few cows and an ass... For breakfast they asked who wanted to fry some eggs for the rest of us and I decided to show them some true talent in eggs frying... that is you slightly let the butter burn before you crack the egg on it (delicious really!)! Then the head friar (not sure what is the right name for that position) showed us all the cheeses he does with the fresh milk... I was not very impressed honestly but maybe because they are new to the craft! 
The ass did not produce anything of real value beside reminding me that he lives near my room window... 
I was not aware of the presence of any cats there until when a fat cat, one that at the sigh of it, would never make you think that was there by chance , showed up in the middle of our circle outside! Just when I was opening a bag of "langue de chat" biscuits!
I tried to give her one, she came close, smelled it and then looked at me... I was intrigued as to why she did not try it. I tried to give it again to her but she made me feel stupid for trying the same trick twice... I put the biscuit down and tried to pet her and to my surprise, she was very receptive! She wanted more and more! I was very glad and for some reason I decided to give her the little piece of biscuit again and she took it and ate it all in a very cute little way and then meowed an encore!
I was sitting in the circle with younger girls and we were discussing God's love when all this cat thing happened! I know! What a big topic for us to fathom... I always get nervous when I lead such discussion but the cat made me realize two things! First of all that the message I am trying to pass is a very sweet and delicious biscuit, better than honey so I should not really worry there! But secondly, that to be able to deliver any message and for it to be accepted I need to show, in palpable acts, my love to the hearer and that is basically a real call for service! And suddenly I remembered Jesus and the miracles- amazing how slow my brain can be sometimes!!
There were a lot of animals there... I think I missed some other lessons but I am resolved to serve from all my heart all the days of my life till I die!!
Thank you catito! 

Monday, May 16, 2016

Promenade in Green

When I go by Baltimore,
Leave no carpet on the floor.
Come along and follow me.
We'll go down to Galilee. 

Green, green rocky road
Promenade in green
Tell me who ya love,
Tell me who ya love.

No deep thought will follow but very happy happenings will!
I had this song playing in the car (Green, Green Rocky Road) when I saw a woman really wearing green top to bottom passing by! I was very delighted! I was smiling so big that the cars around me thought I was crazy (rightfully so!). 
I could not stop thinking about how little coincidences can leave one so genuinely pleased till another one happened! and it was green too: The two lovely people I work with were absent today (not a very lovely thing) and work was rather busy, especially for someone who does not multitask like me! I wanted to join the rest for the coffee break but I ended up staying inside dreaming about a good cup of iced coffee (it was very hot today!) when suddenly I see a beautiful lady passing by my window holding in her hand a sweaty and wonderful green logo-ed Starbucks cup! I immediately started plotting how if she gets in I will make her forget it on my desk and I start monologue-ing out my amazing speech that will make her forget the world... no! I sort of guessed that it was one of the doing of the Holy Spirit on Pentecost Monday! And indeed it was for me! Her mindfulness was so touching! A gift in need is a gift indeed (or something like that...)!  I wanted to thank her deeply but I ended up telling her a story! And she was such a gracious listener that I felt that I needed to thank her for that too - I thought oh dear me! I am getting into a thankful spiral- a beautiful thing to fall into! 
All these green happening made me joyful! After all we are in May! In Spring!
 The season to be "twitterpated"!!