Tuesday, October 11, 2016

Paper Punchers

Summer, O sweet summer! A shower of blessing and goodness fell upon me because of you ! You were full with beautiful weddings of beautiful wonderful people! All of them so very simple, so very convivial, so very peaceful, so very full of joys, full of grace!

Before one wedding in particular, I was thinking of how my marriage will have- must have- confetti!! And for some reason I was convicted in my heart to make a proposal- not the kind of "down on one knee" ones- but with the conviction to offer my brilliant idea "for my own wedding" to this absolutely amazing wife-to-be (wife now!! woohoo!). So I let her know a month ahead that I will be punching heart and flower shaped confetti out of nicely coloured papers and throw them at her entrance- or exit, or whenever- it's always a good time for confetti!. She accepted so very gladly and I started! Punching and punching and punching and emptying then punching again and so on! Finally I filled a huge garbage bag of these and I was so proud of myself! You know, I hope, that when the word proud comes there is always a fall after it! And it was a hard one! One of our bosses at the office decided to do a massive clean-up of the centre and rented a minivan to transport all useless stuff that has been laying around here and there! Including my precious punched craft paper! The Friday just before the wedding! I was utterly crushed! But as after all falls, I hope we raise, an sweet lady offered her help and bought fresh beautiful flower petals and decorated cones to hold them and saved the day! The bride was conffettied! I was glad!

“No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear. I am not afraid, but the sensation is like being afraid.”
― C.S. LewisA Grief Observed

Since then, this lovely set of paper punchers has been sitting on my desk begging for my attention! I thought many times to take it back home but there was something always keeping me from doing it- my forgetfulness is to blame a wee bit too!

I was contemplating this box the other day when all of a sudden it spoke its purpose.
I was thinking, looking at this box, about how amazing love is, how powerful it is an how it can pierce our hearts! I have been pondering this because I have been getting to know r a couple of wonderful beings that my heart took is so fondly! The love I have for them seems to hurt a bit! Lewis spoke about grief feeling like fear, I think love feels a lot like pain when it comes to the depth of the heart and the feeling! This is when paper punchers explained everything! I thought that each person is like a sweet lovely paper puncher with a particular beautiful shape and if we take them in our hearts they will punch it and make this beautiful shape in our hearts that hurts a bit but then becomes an art work! 
I am a very lucky human being! Many have punched my heart and left their amazing shapes in me- some went, some will go- though I wish it not- but all have marked me eternally! I pray I will never be afraid to let anyone in and keep getting punched to have this wonderful masterpiece heart at the end!

Monday, July 11, 2016

Clavicle: An Apology

Love is too young to know what conscience is; 
Yet who knows not, conscience is born of love? 

Edward Weston - Tina Reciting 1924 ©

I have a very showing clavicle. I did not like it at all. In fact it is the only bone I hated, I am in love with all other bones, I even know the names of the feet ones by heart!! I used to think maybe I was meant to be a Queen in a dry land where I would store the rain in the space between my bone and shoulder and then I would channel water to the thirsty population... I just really wanted to be a queen...
I have a friend in my life that has a very moving sense of beauty. Very real and true. She kept telling me that these bones are a beautiful mark of femininity.... I took her words to be honest but I did not feel they were applied to mine... Mine was more like a bow and my words were the arrows! Time passed and I forgot about the bow that was in my body until the day I truly do not know how it happened but I started to believe my friend! Her love, genuine love, made me conscious of the beauty God created.  

Today I want to apologize to my clavicle. 

Dear Clavicle,
I am sorry. I am truly sorry for the times I doubted your beauty. My heart breaks at the thought that there was a time when I thought you were ugly. I want you to know that it was not personal. I want you to know that this world and all his views are not final. There will be other times where you will be misjudged and hated but know in your morrow that is not your fault. Live boldly as you do now and do not mind the belittling of the brain who wants you to follow other criterias you were not meant to stick to. 
My clavicle, do not be intimidated by those who show off a lot more ability and utility, you just do what you are meant to do and there you will shine. Do not worry if you have no ambitions, but work hard and you will get much further... If you rise above these temptations you will walk proudly among the saints, do not let the burden of the living weigh on you! Offer it up to the one who bears all things for you. 
My bow, be sharp, be ready, be straight to the point but be so in compassion and gentleness. You will be hurt, you will feel the cold wind and the hot sun but remember that neither will harm you for you are sheltered under His wings...
Finally, be not separated from the Body. There is always a desire in each bone to want to sing to her own tune but if you do so, you will die and the rest will fall... You are where you are meant to be so be there fully, be there abundantly!
Much love, 

A - not-so- little- Yellow Cat Service

I visited last week a very beautiful Franciscan Monastery a little bit up in the mountains and wished in the deepest of heart that I was a monk there but then I realized that I was not wishing it for the right reasons so I stopped my wishful thinking before it went to far! 
The monks there had a lot of chicken, a few cows and an ass... For breakfast they asked who wanted to fry some eggs for the rest of us and I decided to show them some true talent in eggs frying... that is you slightly let the butter burn before you crack the egg on it (delicious really!)! Then the head friar (not sure what is the right name for that position) showed us all the cheeses he does with the fresh milk... I was not very impressed honestly but maybe because they are new to the craft! 
The ass did not produce anything of real value beside reminding me that he lives near my room window... 
I was not aware of the presence of any cats there until when a fat cat, one that at the sigh of it, would never make you think that was there by chance , showed up in the middle of our circle outside! Just when I was opening a bag of "langue de chat" biscuits!
I tried to give her one, she came close, smelled it and then looked at me... I was intrigued as to why she did not try it. I tried to give it again to her but she made me feel stupid for trying the same trick twice... I put the biscuit down and tried to pet her and to my surprise, she was very receptive! She wanted more and more! I was very glad and for some reason I decided to give her the little piece of biscuit again and she took it and ate it all in a very cute little way and then meowed an encore!
I was sitting in the circle with younger girls and we were discussing God's love when all this cat thing happened! I know! What a big topic for us to fathom... I always get nervous when I lead such discussion but the cat made me realize two things! First of all that the message I am trying to pass is a very sweet and delicious biscuit, better than honey so I should not really worry there! But secondly, that to be able to deliver any message and for it to be accepted I need to show, in palpable acts, my love to the hearer and that is basically a real call for service! And suddenly I remembered Jesus and the miracles- amazing how slow my brain can be sometimes!!
There were a lot of animals there... I think I missed some other lessons but I am resolved to serve from all my heart all the days of my life till I die!!
Thank you catito! 

Monday, May 16, 2016

Promenade in Green

When I go by Baltimore,
Leave no carpet on the floor.
Come along and follow me.
We'll go down to Galilee. 

Green, green rocky road
Promenade in green
Tell me who ya love,
Tell me who ya love.

No deep thought will follow but very happy happenings will!
I had this song playing in the car (Green, Green Rocky Road) when I saw a woman really wearing green top to bottom passing by! I was very delighted! I was smiling so big that the cars around me thought I was crazy (rightfully so!). 
I could not stop thinking about how little coincidences can leave one so genuinely pleased till another one happened! and it was green too: The two lovely people I work with were absent today (not a very lovely thing) and work was rather busy, especially for someone who does not multitask like me! I wanted to join the rest for the coffee break but I ended up staying inside dreaming about a good cup of iced coffee (it was very hot today!) when suddenly I see a beautiful lady passing by my window holding in her hand a sweaty and wonderful green logo-ed Starbucks cup! I immediately started plotting how if she gets in I will make her forget it on my desk and I start monologue-ing out my amazing speech that will make her forget the world... no! I sort of guessed that it was one of the doing of the Holy Spirit on Pentecost Monday! And indeed it was for me! Her mindfulness was so touching! A gift in need is a gift indeed (or something like that...)!  I wanted to thank her deeply but I ended up telling her a story! And she was such a gracious listener that I felt that I needed to thank her for that too - I thought oh dear me! I am getting into a thankful spiral- a beautiful thing to fall into! 
All these green happening made me joyful! After all we are in May! In Spring!
 The season to be "twitterpated"!!

Election Stain

Last Sunday I was supposed to be practicing my amazing powerful right of electing my representatives! But the two lists competing for municipal roles (in the far end of the world) got into a sort of agreement that they split the six years duration between them, three each. There was, though another election that I was able to participate in, picking the person who will the official paper work in my far far away village!! The process is rather systematic but it was still very fascinating for someone who have been denied the right to vote for so long! At the end, after putting your choice in a box, you sign and then dip your finger in a sort of ink bottle that keep your thumb stained for almost a week no matter how hard you try to remove it! This got me thinking of  two stains one can get... the stain of sin : I thought I really do not want to joke with that! I mean it can really corrupt! My thumb was truly ugly for a few days! I did not want my soul to be like that not even a little tiny thumb in it! But the second stain that the election ink got me thinking about is the Blood of the Lamb and the name of the Father written on the foreheads  of those who follow Him... It was reassuring to know that the bad stain a sin makes can be removed by Him but trying to remove that little fingertip ink and seeing how hard of a work it was left me realizing how deep the effect of the Lord Blood shed was! Not that I used to take it for granted, I was always in awe at His wonderful work of salvation but sometimes one small thing can make you understand a much deeper truth.... Purifying me was not an easy work and I will do my best, by His grace, not to make Him work more (one can always dream and hope!)... I was so happy my thumb was looking normal again! 

Tuesday, February 16, 2016

Closing Doors

The first thought that came to my mind when I started writing this post was: 
A series of unfortunate event... 
After my cake mishap, comes my not very pleasant but fruitful experience with doors... 

I love doors very much so and give them all the due respect! I have never driven with an open door for example and I will never slap a door in your face if you ever visit me! 
Unfortunately, in this life, not everything, treats you the way you treat them! And even though doors usually reciprocate my love, yesterday was not one of these days! 
I was carrying some grocery bags and I thought I opened the door wide enough for me to have time to enter and let it close alone behind me (I guess maybe I am a little at fault, I got so used to automatic sensors that I lost my proper sense of sensing!) but the door was too quick or thought I was faster than I am and it hit me in the back of my foot so so hard that I almost fainted from the pain! It bled a river and got swollen in all the colours of the rainbow (it still looks pathetic today and hurts a lot!)! 
Nonetheless, in this moment of inexplicable pain I had a lucid moment of revelation! 
I have heard before that we should never leave open doors in our lives for the devil and I always wondered, who on earth wants to leave an open door for him! Yesterday I realized that it could be that we closed the door it but we did not make sure it was properly shut leaving him a chance to snap quicker than our will to fight!  I thought too about the fake open doors that we see in our lives because we want to make way when there's obviously none and we go for it but it ends up being a closing one and it hits us hurting us so badly! 
O for a gentler way to learn...
But it was a opportune time for me to learn from my pain! I will be searching this season for any fake open doors in my life and make sure I properly close them!

Tuesday, February 2, 2016

My 100th Post: Eternally Finite and Infinite Eternity

I have been thinking for quite a while about what can I possibly write about for my hundredth post (woohoo!). As usual, whenever I think about something it never comes and when I stop thinking it just pops up (Nature is begging me to stop my useless thinking I guess...)! Hence comes the post number one hundred on a bitter-sweet tone as it should be for such a celebration!

Morn with me if you may!
Yesterday I spend about three hours preparing a cake for a friend before Lent as a little token of my love to her... It was done, beautiful and smelling a heavenly smell. While waiting for it to cool a bit before I transfer it to his  pretty box home I made for him,  he fell, broke into a million piece and died. I was crushed with it! I shed a couple of very warm tears (I realized that you might think that my life is a hyperbole but I promise it is not as melodramatic as it sounds!!):

Some broken things may never be whole again
Some lost things may never be found
Some dead thing may never come to life again
Some old things may never be renewed
Some pasts may never be present again
And that is really okay!

At the same time, while something in my heart ached something in my mind reminded me to be thankful in all circumstances. Something in my heart ached not only for the cake but for all lost things in my life, all lost things around me... I started to think about all those bakers who might have lost loaves of bread that would have fed their family and something in my head prompted me to say a prayer for them... And suddenly my dead cake rose in as a sweet offering for all those who are suffering loss, whatever kind it may have been, in their lives... Suddenly, truly, the poems and verses I read in my life about phoenixes rising from aches or beauty from pain or waters in the deserts came back to my mind so vividly bringing another dimension, a human dimension to my little cake... 

Rejoice with me, you must!

You have turned for me my mourning into dancing;
 you have loosed my sackcloth and clothed me with gladness.
Psalm 31:11

My broken life was made whole in Him
My lost life was found in Him
I was revived
I was renewed
I was living an eternal infinity in a finite moment 
and that is really the point!

Happy 100th to me! 
*Confetti and balloons*